Depth of your heart

Many of you have read my story of Melanoma, if not, take a minute and please read. Though it is lengthy I feel it has raised awareness for so many of my friends near and far and it is worth the time to read. You can find it here, Melanoma Story

I had my 6-month check up with MD Anderson this week, and I am happy to report they think my skin looks great and I don’t have to go back there for another 6 months. I was happy to be back getting good news, but I was again pained by the circumstances of most of the families around me. Though my news was good, I couldn’t stop the complete aching in my heart and the tears that freely fell from my eyes as I passed daughters escorting mothers, wives holding husband’s hands and Mothers pushing their children in wheelchairs. Everyone has a very similar look in their eyes. You know the look, the one of “I’m scared, tired, overwhelmed, hurting,” yet in so many you can also see the glimmer of hope, trust, freedom from this life event. Just this week alone I have read of a young teen boys battle with Leukemia, prayed for a friend who is facing more treatments, spoke with a work partner about her very young niece’s diagnosis, and read a sweet friends tribute to her sister who has asked to pass from this earth so she can run into the arms of Jesus and not be in pain any longer. We all see it, we all know it, Cancer SUCKS! I am certain every person reading this has been part in someone’s battle with this horrible disease and we can all relate. As you walk the halls and look into each persons eyes, you are only seeing the surface of their battle. We have no idea what each is truly facing, nor the depth of their disease or pain.

One of the reasons my melanoma was of such great concern and lymph nodes had to be tested was not because of what it looked like on the surface but the depth of the mole and the number of dividing cells. The comparison of this in relation to our hearts intrigues me. We often only share what’s on the surface, what can be edited on Facebook or Instagram, though the depth of what is in our heart and the dividing ways it pulls us are normally hidden. We live in a world broken and full of hate, anger, busyness and selfish desires. All of us (me included) wearing our best “Snapchat” filters everywhere we go. What if we lived our lives unfiltered, truly authentic sharing the depth of our hearts versus the Facebook version of our hearts? We all have “dividing cells” pulling us in a multitude of directions, some breaking our hearts others filling our hearts. We are wives, business owners, volunteers and mothers. As women, our hearts are stronger than we imagine yet so fragile at the same time. But there is One who knows our heart completely and fully, no filter, no editing, no amount of Botox, or filler can hide us from His sight. Disclaimer: I am not picking on anyone who uses the above! I am all about preserving our beauty so please don’t take me wrong. I am referencing the heart, the very thing that controls our lives.

Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) says

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.

The Message reads,

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that’s where life starts.

This doesn’t mean don’t share your heart with others, quite the contrary, from our heart is where all things flow so be aware of what you are filling it with. In the NIV (New International Version) the bible uses the word heart 570 times. God is serious about all things of the heart. He wants our hearts given to Him so that He may fill us with His spirit, His joy, His strength and His love.

Psalm 76:23 (NIV) says,

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I know I need to have a heart check-up pretty regularly. I often need reminding of the above verses. Dear friends, when you see my surface know that it may look “ok” but often the depth of my heart is aching for my children, praying for the sick and weeping for the lost. I pray for the depth of my heart to be filled with Jesus, so that when the cells begin to divide I know the One who has it covered.

Until next time,

Courtney