“Fully Alive”

Are you “Fully Alive?” I’m currently attending a bible study with that title which is on the gospel of Mark and each week the teacher is digging deep into the accounts of Jesus and the determination and commitment He had to reveal who he was to the people, most importantly to the disciples He had chosen. Each week I am astounded by God speaking to me. I am sure I am not alone, He is making sure each woman in the room is hearing what she needs to hear. But are we listening? Do we hear it on Wednesdays, walk away from that hour and forget exactly what He impressed on our hearts? I know I have done that time and time again, whether it was in bible study, church or through prayer. I heard him, I was convinced I would listen, yet within hours or days Satan had convinced me otherwise. Not anymore! It has been brought to my attention in not so subtle ways for the past 15 years that God has wanted me to write. Now is that a book, this blog, in a private journal, I am still not 100% sure. What I am sure of is that I can no longer blatantly disobey. I have spent the last two weeks combing through every journal I have, every bible study notebook I have and it has been revealed to me over and over again that I need to surrender to His calling for my life. I started this blog for this very reason and to share our families adventures, some good others not, yet I have consistently hesitated when it was time to put fingers on the keyboard. How many times have you felt called to something yet you let fear, doubt, feelings of not being good enough cloud your judgment ? As I sit and marvel at the talented Winter Olympians I can’t help but wonder how many times they have felt “not good enough.” How many times have they fallen and had to get up? What makes them different from you and I? Clearly they were created with physical talents, but they also have a grit and determination that we all have, but are we using it? Is it easier to just quit? In my first day of reviewing my past 15 years of studies and notes this was just a fraction of what stood out to me.

Believing God Bible Study 2005, author Beth Moore:

“We have a calling on our lives, our unbelief is the 1st obstacle to that calling.” Romans 4:20-21 When I took this note, I was brand new in my Christian walk. I was raised in the church, I attended Catholic school so I had been heavily influenced in all areas of that religion, and it was beautiful. I was truly beginning to study the Bible and my relationship with God changed from one of listener and performer to one of study and relationship. I had NO clue what this calling could be, and I was full of unbelief. Are you standing in your own way? Are you standing in God’s way?

“One reason why God may not be using your mouth, is because of all the times you have misused it” Proverbs 18:21 Can we just take a moment of silence right now? When I read this, I literally laughed out loud! I am of Cajun French/German decent. I mean if God truly wants me to watch my mouth my parents should have been handed a muzzle along with the receiving blanket when I was born. I am quick to talk, quick to “tell you like it is” and it can be one of my best qualities, and sadly one of my worst. I don’t meet a stranger that I don’t learn something about. I am typically way too honest and have genuinely prayed to keep my mouth shut. I have all but begged God to make me “meek and mild,” He hasn’t answered that prayer yet. I am constantly running through my mind “should I say that?” So if you know me, you may be shocked to hear that 75% of the time I am actually hearing my earthy father say to me, “Courtney, think before you speak!” Maybe this would be a good time to apologize for my mouth to anyone whom it has ever offended. I am a work in progress… and this one may take a while.

“Easy lives don’t make don’t make great stories. Your life in Christ is meant to be a great story.” This needs a much longer explanation than I will share here. Our stories are unique, unbelievable, some hilarious and others gut wrenching. Our lives haven’t been “easy” at all. Together Scott and I have lost parents, grandparents, raised kids (ours and others), lost a house in a natural disaster, moved 14 times, faced numerous surgeries, dealt with cancer, family addiction, heartbreak with children yet through it all we have had inexplicable blessings and joys. So this story Christ has created has been quite the ride so far, but I have not always been willing to share it. Which brings me to this final quote.

“You have to fear God more than what He has called you to do. Do what your scared of to get over the fear.” Proverbs 1:7 Clearly I haven’t had the “fear of God” part figured out. He isn’t scary, he doesn’t want me to hide from him under the covers like a child scared of the dark but he does expect me to respect Him and know he is in control. Just as our kids need to know we love them, a healthy fear of “what would my parents do/think if I made this decision” is something we all want our kids to have. I am guilty of being more scared of the “calling” than the “Caller.” Which is what has led me to jump back on my blog and write. If this isn’t the platform He wants me to be using, He will work that out.

For now, I will proceed with what I am being led to do and pray that what I write is always directed back to what He has done and IS doing in my families life.

I will leave with thoughts for you to ponder and pray about: *What is your calling on your life? Do you know? If not, go to Him in prayer, ask fellow friends and mentors what they see in you. Seek this and you will find it. Just don’t take 15 years to listen! *What is your mouth speaking? Ugh… I just need some partners in this one, I certainly wouldn’t call others out for this sin I so readily embrace. *Is your life “easy?” I doubt it, nothing is really “easy” anymore. Do you have a story to share that could be a blessing to others? Share it! We have to start living in communion with one another not just sharing all the “positive” Facebook worthy moments but also the difficult ones. We need each other in the good, the bad and the ugly. Knowing your not alone, can bring such healing

Finally, I spent some time creating a new look for this site, will you follow my blog? Share it with others and comment if you are touched by anything I post. I am asking for this to be a way that I am held accountable to what God is asking me to do, you can’t quit when others know you are committed.

Thanks for reading, Until next time! Courtney