“Balance vs. Peace”

Balance and Peace…something we are ALL struggling with.

Whether it is work-related decisions or family decisions, I feel I am one decision away from tipping the scale in the wrong direction.

Go to the store… order online? In-person school… virtual school? Playdates… no playdates? Dine-in… take out? Cry… or laugh? Go… or stay?

I am writing this from a hospital waiting room and I just overheard a doctor asking a husband to make a decision on saving his wife’s uterus. I don’t know the situation, I don’t know if they have children or if this surgery was an attempt to make that possible. What I do know, he is having to weigh all the options. The pain I see in his face, the deep breathes he is taking in hopes to sustain his lungs as the breath has been knocked out of him. The wringing of his hands and sweat on his brow are evidence, his scale is heavy on both ends and he is caught in the middle. Save her uterus, sacrifice her uterus.

We are here alone, only one family member can be present with the patients, this decision is solely on his shoulders. It makes my decisions seem very small in light of what I am witnessing. Sometimes a big fat dose of perspective is all we need.

How do we find balance when the scale is teetering?

Doesn’t balance bring peace?

How do we find peace ?

If you are struggling and feel one wrong decision will tip your scale, and peace is unattainable you’re not alone!

I am a planner, I like to make a plan and I like for it to work out just as I have imagined it would. Insert a big fat God eye roll right here as he laughs at my “planning.” I imagine Him saying, awe Courtney, that plan is cute, but I’ve got this, you can relax now. Decisions do have to be made and we should make a plan, and be prepared. Not so much for the actual decision but for the ability to find peace with those decisions. How? Especially right now when they feel so heavy, both sides of the scale difficult and both sides of the scale with their own cheering squad.

Here is what I do: I get selfish, I slow down, and I PRAY!

Yep, SELFISH! I examine MY mind, MY heart, MY family priorities, I remove the social pressures of everyone else’s “opinions” and make the best decision for those God has entrusted me to take care of. And I make NO excuses!

Slow down, I force my mind and body to slow down, I read a book, lay in the pool (alone), take a nap, watch a mindless show (thank you bachelor nation)! DON’T JUDGE ME! and…

I PRAY! I readjust my focus. Doing this forces me to accept the false notion that I am in control of ANY of it. Every time I have panicked, worried myself out of sleep or into a migraine, which I am famous for, I am reminded God is in control and I don’t have to have all the right answers, but I do have to have enough faith and trust in the One who does have the right answers.

The scale will continue to teeter, balance will continue to feel allusive. Leaning this way and that, right or wrong, yes or no, calm or chaos. Just as it levels peace rushes in like ocean waters washing up on the shore cooling your toes. Savor this, welcome it, soak it up! Because like ocean waters, it may recede leaving you longing for it to rush back in.

The good news… it comes back! Flowing more powerfully than ever, over and over again, just when I feel I am being scorched by life, dry to my ability to find peace amongst my balancing act, the waters of peace roll in and wash over me reminding me of God’s goodness and grace.

I may not feel balanced at all times …none of us do. But I can feel peace even when the scale is tipping. Because my peace doesn’t come from my life being balanced, my peace comes from my trust in God…I choose to trust despite my lack of ability to balance all things thrown at me, HE IS IN CONTROL! And with knowing that, I find Peace!

Until next time, Courtney